speechless

close friends of mine will know that i have little confidence in love. i dont believe in happily ever after. it is just a fairytale to hide the ugly truth from the innocent and pure heart. it could be my skeptical view that make me feel disgusted easily by anyone who stamps on love.

first, it is the drama at home. sadly, i am half happy that i am away from the shouting and fighting. but i am worried for the ones whom i really loved. please stay strong and be well. 5 more months to go and i will be both physically and mentally there.

things are taking a turn in my second home now. initially i thought it could be due to common interests so they are able to connect and click. i believe that the opposite sex can be good friends but there must be a line when both parties have the special someone waiting back home. i hate it when people gets cliquish and conveniently excludes everyone else in their own little world. hello! there are other people sharing the same breathing space as you, so would you please not pretend that the others do not exist at all? you are making it seem like there is something going on between you 2. when one feels that way, it could be one is too sensitive. if everyone is thinking of the same thing, shouldnt you stand back and reflect what you have been doing?

i felt so disgusted and uncomfortable to be in the same room as you 2. all i wanted to do is to hurry finish up whatever i want to do and scram. i was holding onto my last breath of air, swimming fanatically to the surface before i suffocate of "exclusiveness". seriously, think about what the other half will think if they saw this. put yourself into their shoes and re-consider what the hell do you want and are you doing?

24 hours

it has been quite a while since i can slow down and enjoy a quiet night all by myself.

i have been travelling on all weekends since bf and goi came to usa. first big sur, then vegas. i am so glad that i finally have a day off today, although it is not considered as lone time. the bottom line is i need to stop and take a breather.

24 hours do not seem enough for me now. 6 more months to go and i will be back in sunny island but it seems like there are a lot more things that i want to do, go and play before facing the harsh reality back home. the harry potter world, disneyworld, death valley, east coast trip, new orleans, thanksgiving, christmas. so many things to plan for but so little time left. for sure, i know the mad rush is killing me softly.

i wish for more quiet nights like this.